EAT London Shite's Guide to... THE BEST NEW COOKBOOKS 1. Fuck the planet, I'm hungry Dr Hector Filch A noted gastronome and famously London's fattest man, Filch has spent 20 years doing his beest to eat various species and fauna out of existence in the name of epicurean excess. In this book he delivers up delicious recipes designed to test your belt as well as your conscience. 'Whale crisps' are we are told a delicious nibble to replace the Kettle Chip, whilst 'Baby Seal Sauteed In an Ethiope's Breast Milk" may turn your stomach, but trust me it's delicious. 2. AGONY Bill Granger Granger, noted Australian prozac-addict and TV cook, records his slow mental demise from bubbly smile-merchant to introverted wreck through 75 delicious recipes. Yields meals and tears in equal measure. 3. The Midsummer Murders Cookbook Foreward by John Nettles ITV's desperate attempt to provide a UK alternative to HBO's hugely successful "Sopranos' Cookbook" has produced this delightfully quaint volume. Try the 'Scones with Mild Intrigue' Snacking not filling you up?Have a massive kebab you dick.DID YOU KNOW KEBABS HAVE OVER 100% MORE 'SUBSTANCE' THAN MANY SMALLER, LESS MEATY SNACKS? Harness the power of the world's most popular jug-eared negro today! 'Barracka' - fizzy, self-righteous, Democratic fun. Have one every morning. Ok? Buy now at your local pharmacy. Dans La Merde Follow up to Dans Le Noir sees blind chefs prepare haphazard, inconsistent meals Trendy Clerkenwell eatery, dans Le Noir which shot to prominence for its blind waiters and totally dark dining experience, have opened their second gimmick-based restaurant. At DLM, it's the kitchen staff not the waiters who can't see. Our meal got off to a bad start when my veloute was served to me in a flowerpot, but the hillarious screams of pain that reverberated around the restaurant as they made my Creme Brulee more than made up for it. LONDON SHITE